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Testimonials ENJOY! January 3, 2007 Hi, Guess what Santa brought for Sarah C and me! We asked for Sink Reflections Sidetracked Home Executives; From Pigpen to Paradise, and Get Your Act Together, plus the Flylady calendar, and we received all four items! Although I've learned so much from both Flylady.net and the Brat Factor over the last six months, I was starting to fall off the wagon, and my new toys, I mean books, were just the thing to get me re-motivated. I loved reading your personal stories, and seeing how your systems have evolved over time. I feel like I know you and your families, and your enthusiasm is contagious. I'd love to share a few things I've learned, or re-learned while I read:I had been keeping score with my husband, whining inside my head, and waiting for him to notice and appreciate my effort. Now I'm doing it for my own sense of peace. Today he called from home and said he saw what was on the calendar for dinner and would I like him to start the crockpot!? The books reminded me to get back to basic routines, then de-clutter,then, and only then, get into the special cleaning projects and zone missions. I feel less overwhelmed now and I know I can do this. The idea of being a SLOB or a BO has really helped me understand my two dds, and I see how important routines are for both. My dd 3 is a SLOB (in your nice way)- very easily sidetracked. On the way up the stairs she'll pick up any random item and look at it and talk about it. A clutter-free environment is really the key to keeping her on the simplest task. I was so upset that she kept eating crumbs from our car floor,until I realized "hey, maybe if the car floor is not a banquet of stale snack foods, she'll go straight into her car seat!" So I vacuumed. Problem solved. I use the timer to help her focus on picking up toys for three minutes at a time. We do it together so she doesn't get so overwhelmed and discouraged. My dd 17 months is clearly BO. When I vacuum, she gets out the toy vacuum. She unloads the silverware from the dishwasher, and sets the table for herself and her sister. She loves to have her shoes on and swish the toilet in the morning. I think routines help her feel important, and working beside me seems to make her feel close. It's how we "play" together. Thank you so much for all that you do, and for sharing your stories so that the rest of us can have hope, make changes, and enjoy peace! For several days I've been saying to myself "progress and peace, not perfection." Then today I saw the new 2007 theme! I guess we're thinking on the same track. I am actually thinking about blessing our library with my new books instead of keeping them for myself. They're better shared than sitting on a shelf, right? Erin in MN 
November 16, 2006 DH has, I don't know let's call it a bad habit of being verbally abusive. The occasional bad day here or there is FINE, but when it goes on for more than a day and I don't deserve it, because I LOVE myself and my family, then we have problems. This time he made the WRONG comment to me (being a SHE and having a Brat!) He called me lazy, told me that I don't do anything and that I need to get out and get a job. This dug at me to my very core, after he ranted and left for work, I looked around. The dishes were done, dinner planned, bed made, bathroom swished and swiped, laundry done and put away, clean uniforms for him, the floors were swept and vacuumed, everything dusted and de-cluttered, and this had been done like this for quite a while. Always a delicious meal ready for DH when he came home, DD (2) fed and happy dressed to shoes, hair done, bath every night. I am dressed to shoes, hair and makeup. There was no reason to call me Lazy!!!! So I thought about it and it dug and dug at me and my Dear Brat had a wonderful idea and so I let my inner Brat Emma Ray win. Friday we (DD and I) went out and as normal ran errands, paid the bills and had lunch with Dear Mom/Grandma, BUT we didn't bring back, lunch or gas money for DH, he had to go and run his own errands. Next up, I didn't do the dishes and I didn't pick up quite as much (hey its hard to break even the GOOD habits!) So I also made the last dinner of the weekend Friday night, and boy was it good Tuna Alfredo steamed veggies and homemade garlic bread, next day Saturday, Family Fun Day...nope! Saturday DD and I went out with a very Dear Friend of mine and we took her to McDonalds where they have a wonderful PlayPlace. We were able to talk like grownups have a nice healthy lunch, DD was happy, fed and interacting with other little ones and we had an all around wonderful lunch. Then we all went to the movies had a wonderful time, then off to Wal-mart where I was able to find a great Yoga Mat and exercise gloves both of which were on sale. What fun we had. When we came home DD was exhausted. Meanwhile.... DH was at home with just leftovers from the night before, a sink full of dirty dishes (trust me it was hard to do, but necessary!) And another surprise for him, three little ones (Dear Nieces and Nephews) ages 8, 9 and 10, ready to spend the night! Oh I guess I might have run a little late. I came in and everyone was hungry, so I ordered two pizzas. DH had to wash a plate just to eat. I washed up the kids' plates. My niece came in the kitchen and was like, "uh what happened?" I couldn't help but chuckle, because the poor kid looked at me like I had lost my mind! And she was in total shock because she had NEVER seen my sink full of dirty dishes, and my brat being as stubborn as she is was kind of proud of the mess that had accumulated. As for me, I kept reminding myself that I am NOT going back to my old ways that I LOVE flying and that I was just proving a point, I had finally had the last straw and that I have finally had enough!!! The next day I took off with the kids and we went to our local track and to the play ground, we spent quite a while there, had lots of fun, came home the kids went home, DD and I took a nap. DH gently woke us, which it was kind of funny, and I noticed a HUGE attitude adjustment, by this time. I still just went about our day. We watched TV, I guess I might have played a little bit lazy this last day after all I knew that Monday was coming and as soon as he hit that door I was going back to being me; the un-lazy FlyWashed wonderful wife that I am! But as for my last day of "laziness" I still didn't do the dishes, he washed his bowl and ate cereal, We started to get hungry as well and so I ordered two more pizzas... ha ha. Now I am sitting here on the computer patiently waiting to tear into this house, because it doesn't look like my home, it looks a little like what it used to before I found all of you wonderful people. There are four pizza boxes next to the overflowing trash and I have to say it has been a long time since I have seen such a site. DH well his attitude is much, much better and I am hearing things like, "I love you," "Yes dear," "Yes baby." And not one word about being lazy and I have a feeling that I am not going to hear that for a very long time if ever again. He just came in and gave me hug. Funny what a little reality check can do. With lots of love, Jeanie and Emma Ray P.S. I sent a copy of this to Dear Husband. I am a wonderful wife and mother and I deserve to be treated with loads of respect and love! I am not lazy I am a Sidetracked Home Executive and dang PROUD of it!
September 12, 2006 Hi my name is Dawn, my brat is Emily, I attended your brat seminar in Spokane in May. I was going to work on de-junking my "stuff" and getting it out of our garage. In August my son, brother & I had a one-day only garage sale to sell the "goods" from the garage. Everything that we put in the yard sale was sold or given to Goodwill with no exceptions. My son (12) and my brother made the most but just making the "stuff" go away was the whole purpose of yard sale. My husband is a Saint and never once complained how bad the garage was or that we couldn't even park any of our cars in the garage! In August my husband bought me a 1993 Jaguar. It is so wonderful to FINALLY be able to park "my NEW car" in the garage!! I may have gotten this done even if I hadn't gone to your seminar but I doubt it! I had forgotten we wrote the goal and sent it to ourselves. You can imagine how AWESOME it felt to have it already accomplished a few weeks before you sent it to me!! Thanks for the fun emails and your incredible enthusiasm! Dawn
September 11, 2006 SURPRISE!! I'm pregnant. And my husband and I are THRILLED. And I can't focus on anything, and I have to go to the bathroom a lot, and I am waiting for my blood test results so we have a better idea of how far along the baby is. I'm one of the first among my friends to be pregnant, so this is a pretty exciting thing for them, and I am the first in my family to get pregnant, so I know they are gonna flip. I think I like being the first because everyone gets so excited. Like they didn't know it was coming (even though they should have, because we have been trying). But I was thinking about Sara (my brat) and how she will adapt to motherhood. A couple of days ago we were both children and if we wanted to goof off, well, we did. She giggles at me when I "play" adult and go to work and clean the house. However, since I've known about this baby, she has been quiet. Not like neglected quite, but like an understanding quite, like she knows more than I do that it is time to grow up, it is time to be a mommy. I thought this would make a good surprise because everyone reading could relive the first few days that they found out they were pregnant, or any other life changing moment (good life changing, not bad). I will no longer be a young woman, I will be a Mom. I am scared and joyful in all the moments of my day (when I'm not fighting sleepiness at my desk). I know everything will be different, but I cannot even grasp in what ways and how it will all change for us. I am making a baby. Every little tummy discomfort isn't painful because I am reminded that THERE IS A BABY IN THERE! My child, my responsibility, my joy, my sorrow, my work, my playmate. Things will change, and I know in some years I will have to let go because it won't be my responsibility to parent, but just to love and be a good Mom, ready to listen and only give advice when asked and encourage and support and pray. But until then I have to teach them how to do all this life stuff for themselves starting with seeing the world, feeling my face and feeling my lips kiss their belly, and smiling and laughing. I'm just excited. The thing I love most about all of this is that it is sooo incredibly personal, and it is so incredibly miraculous, and everyone has a shot at it. It isn't a miracle saved for the elect few, it is one of the best ways we can understand God's love, and it is something all of us get to experience. (Aunts and Uncles, don't count yourselves out on this one, we need you to be just as excited and scared with us because you will be doing all the babysitting!!! HAHA! ;-) ) I just love that. I love that the most important thing to me is the most important thing to you, so we are connected, you and me. And I like that. Beth
September 5, 2006 Dear Pam, Thanks for sharing the email from Teresa from WI! (See archived 365 surprises here at the Reform School. Teresa's was on September 4.) My brat is always asking for something to eat and I'm never successful at ignoring her or reasoning with her or making her ashamed of wanting to eat AGAIN! The next time she gets loud about needing something to eat RIGHT NOW, I'm going to fix her a little snack and sit down with her and we'll talk about what she's really wanting instead of food. No TV or telephone or computer or book – just the two of us sharing a little snack and a little time. I think Teresa's really got it right – our brats probably don't want what they're asking for most of the time – they just need a little time with Mommy! I'll let you know how this works. Who knows, maybe in time I won't even have to fix the little snack, maybe we can just sit down and work on what's really going on without putting something in our mouth! Pam, the "brat" concept is just the most awesome thing! I’ve read so many self-help books and psychology books trying to understand and overcome the things about myself that I use to sabotage my life. And I've been in therapy more than half my adult life. But here in these small, simple bits of advice and information from you and other readers, there is insight and information and practical, do-able suggestions that I can really use to overcome my self-defeating habits. I may never know what made me act the way I do, but if I can just acknowledge it and find ways to improve it, that's all I need. God bless you – this is truly a ministry. Myra from TN
August 18, 2006 Dear Pam, I have been receiving your daily e-mails since the first one. I had visited your website before the e-mails started and thought it was really ingenious. The idea of setting a goal but letting your brat choose the reasons is simply brilliant. Why shouldn't we shoot for the moon? I've laughed and learned reading your daily messages. I've had a problem though. I couldn't find my brat. This really bothered me because I used to laugh and have fun. What happened to the part of me that wanted to have fun? I have always been a serious person. I remember as a kid thinking that I had to do everything just right. It finally hit me one night why I haven't been able to find my brat. She has taken over completely! You see, my brat is not a fun loving child. I had to learn how to have fun and laugh and be fun in spite of this brat. Over the past year and half dealing with cancer in the family, horrible school issues, a hubby's insecure job, etc, my brat has completely taken over and turned me into a serious, boring, non-smiling, no fun to be around person. When hubby says, "want to go with me and boys fishing?" My brat says, "No, I can't leave a nasty house." And then only cleans minimally while they are gone because she deserves the quiet time after dealing with so many things. It is time for this to stop! It's time for my brat to sit down and shut up and let us have some fun. Now that I have discovered her, I think I will call her June Cleaver after the mother in Leave it to Beaver. I can't think of better example of a woman who did everything perfectly, worried about more or smiled less. I wonder if you have met other brats like June? Might you have any advice for getting June under control? This, sort-of reverse brat, too serious instead of wanting to play too much seems a little weird and backwards. That's me though! LOL June was discovered the day that you left on your trip so she and I have had a couple weeks together now. I've let her enclose a letter to you also. It might not be like many other letters from brats that you receive. Hee Hee! Thank you for helping see just how much of a problem this serious brat has become. I'm looking forward to learning so much more! Angie Dear Ms. Pam, First of all, I am appalled that I do not know how to address you properly. Only family and close personal friends should address you by your first name, dear. My daughter, Angie, refused to let me look up your last name, so please excuse the personal greeting. I would sincerely appreciate it if you would refrain from any further contact with Angie. You see, I had finally gotten control of her and then she started getting e-mail from you every day. I had convinced her that an almost 40 mother of two was supposed to look a little soft around the middle. Now, with your encouragement, she joined Weight Watchers and is talking about getting back to pre-baby weight so she can run around looking like some teenybopper. Am I supposed to sit back and let that happen? I will admit that I was pleased when she lost 5 pounds the first week. Any proper woman appreciates looking her best. And yesterday, she took the boys to the swimming pool after letting them pick up 27 things instead of their entire bedrooms. She has even been wearing a bathing suit! Can you imagine? I was in such shock and disbelief the first time. This past weekend they went to a water park and at the admission window they asked if we were going to ride the water slides. Before I could get a word out Angie had answered, "yes." When she heard me gasp she added that we had to be able to go on the slides with the youngest child. These sorts of things should be left for his father and brother not his mother. She just wouldn't let me get a word in. I finally found an opportunity though. We had walked up 5 flights of stairs carrying a big tube to ride with the youngest and when we got to the top he wouldn't ride. We had to walk back down. I threw a fit! I thought I had finally found a way to keep Angie in a chair. I said not to ask me to walk up and down those stairs anymore and headed back to the chair. I was telling Angie that was absolutely it! I'd had enough of this water park place and was finished with it. If the kids were going to act like that then I was staying in a lounge chair like a good mother. Do you know she told me? "Sit down and shut up"! What? She can't talk to me like that. I did sit down and stop ranting. What choice did I have? Not long after, the child said he was ready now and she jumped right up and went up all those stairs again warning me to keep quiet along the way. I wouldn't have spoken to her then if she had begged me to. Don't tell her but it was exciting and fun to ride on those tubes with the boys. We made some great memories. I'm sure that you can see the predicament that you have gotten me in by sending Angie those e-mails. I need to get control again and I can't do that if you continue to contact her. If I can't convince you to stop writing to her then I guess I will have to find a way to go along with this new system. If I work hard then I'm sure I can find the silver lining. Sincerely, Mrs. June Cleaver Dear Mrs. Clever, Please forgive me for not writing back to you promptly. Quite frankly I was really at a loss to know what to do with you. I think I know now and will now write to your mother. I encourage you to listen although I know you might think that is rather disrespectful to eavesdrop on a conversation. Since it's all about you I give you permission. Sincerely, Pam Young Hi Angie, Before I get into what to do with June, I have to say you are a very good writer! I was at the water park with you and your kids! Now, here's what I think happened. I think your fun-loving little June baby got hit with too many sad and scary things and, I don't know if you know this about our brats, but they have costume boxes! Big costume boxes!!! You know how kids love to dress up in crazy costumes and also adult clothes? Well June got into the big, serious lady clothes complete with little librarian glasses and a tight tailored black suit with sensible shoes and a hat with a black veil. She looked in the mirror and decided it would be fun to play this for a while and then she got caught up in it. You, Angie are too much of a lighthearted person to let June Cleaver stay in that costume! Your email tells me you want to change this and I know you will, if you aren't already making great changes to put joy and fun back into your life. You are just a kid yourself. Believe me 40 is very young! I can tell you from my Tower of Age you have some great time to enjoy your life! So get that June Cleaver costume off of June Bug and get her to put on a bunny costume. Keep me posted. I'd love to read more!! Love, Pam June 21, 2006 I can relate to the issue of being late. I figured out it does feel good to be on time so I made it a practice to be places ahead of time and like that feeling. Now I go a bit early but take things with me I can do for a few minutes while "waiting" for an appointment or a friend. I always have something to read with me, checks to write, checkbook and calculator, etc. Also, I can't believe how many times the phone rings when I'm nearly ready to leave. I used to pick it up, but now I have caller ID and can look at it and most times walk out the door. A from Iowa
June 16, 2006 Dear Pam, Just a quick note - I've always had a problem keeping my house clean even being on FlyLady's list for so many years. She talks about "blessing her home" instead of "cleaning" it. That's a wonderful thought, and it's helped me somewhat in changing my thinking about taking care of my home. But a clean room/house to me has always looked like 'no one lives here'. I guess from having to move many times while growing up! lol My husband has always complained that the house never gets cleaned unless someone is coming over. But because of the Brat Factor, and learning to listen carefully to Jane, everything changed this morning. She came up with a reason that has, in an instant, changed my whole point of view. She looked around at the almost clean living room, clean kitchen and bathroom, and said "This is almost party-ready!' From now on, I'm not going to be "cleaning" or even "blessing" my home -- I'm going to be making it "Party-Ready" (cue dance music)!! And Jane will be with me all the way! Greta
June 15, 2006 Hi, Nelly, I am going to send you a picture of Mr. Guilt, but my mom says I can't have my birthday party tomorrow night unless we clean up THE WHOLE HOUSE! Well, actually, just the rooms the party will be in. In other words, I don't have to clean my room! The cool thing is that I thought it would take HOURS and HOURS to clean up the house 'cause my mom and me aren't to doing zones yet - or even de-cluttering much (She just put in a de-cluttering card yesterday). But, she set the timer and we're doing what she calls "Work/Play/Work/Play" We get 10 minutes in each room and then we play. Then we repeat until done. (Sounds like a recipe, huh?) It only took 8 minutes to totally clean the bathroom (without the tub) and 8 minutes to pick up and clean the dining area of the kitchen! We have to do the floors, but other than that, it's clean! The living room is going to be the room that takes more than one time through, but even so, I can get a lot done in 10 minutes. And it's short enough that I don't get bored or angry that I've worked too long. Well, the timer just went off, so I have to go back to the "Work" part of the day. But I will get Mom to let me have some drawing time tomorrow, especially if I get to bed on time tonight! Yeah - let's feed Mr. Guilt some greasy junk food (I bet he LOVES French fries and deep fried hot dogs!!) so he moves slow on account of his stomach feeling bad!! lol - Oh! Oh! And a large soda so he gets a sugar headache!!
Hi Pam and Nelly, Thank you so much for creating your wonderful website. Gidget and I love looking at the site and we read the daily surprise together. You had sent out a daily surprise about letting Mom pick the action but let your brat pick the reason. Gidget and I had a light bulb moment last Friday regarding this very thing. I picked the action of not eating fast food, no matter how rushed, stressed or hungry I was. Gidget picked the reasons. 1.So we could get back into a pair of Daisy Duke shorts from about 20 years ago. 2.So a certain gentleman would be able to pick us up should the opportunity present. Well Gidget has always had a stubborn streak, which more often than not was counter productive to me. Guess what? Her stubborn streak is paying off now that she got to pick the reason for our new action. Last Friday I was stressed (think anxiety attack) and I was running very short on time. I was out running errands and I thought, I'll just get some fast food since I have been good all week and I really need to eat something now. Well little Miss Gidget promptly stomped her foot and said, "No way mom. We are getting back into to those Daisy Duke shorts and we will be prepared should reason #2 present itself. When I tried to say just this one time Gidget held her ground and said not a chance. Gidget told me, "If you are hungry Mom, then let's go home and eat something there." That's what we did! Thank you again for all you do, Geraldine and Gidget
May 23, 2006 You go, girl (and I DON’T mean Nelly)!!! I’ve gone from being sausaged into a size 16 (who was I trying to kid?!) to being comfortable in a size 6, losing approx 1 pound a week. How did my weight get so much? My downfall was the drive-thru at Del Taco and the deli counter at the grocery store. In one sack, I was already into calories for tomorrow as I said, “Bye! Thanks!” to the guy at the drive-thru. And it’s amazing how a plastic deli container and a spoon look like a single serving size (Hey, if I could squeeze into those 16s, I could say 2 or 3 cups of sour cream potato salad was one serving). Do consider changing your “splurge” to another word. “Splurging” is what you probably did when you were having a meaningful relationship with Whoppers instead of yourself. And “reward” or “treat” is dangerous, because rewarding and treating doesn’t have to be done with food. Sometimes it’s pulling over to the side of the road and watching the full moon (on a clear night!) over the bridges of Portland, for just a few minutes. I lost my weight through the help of Weight Watchers. With the flex-plan, you get an “extra” 35 points to spend on food, however you want, each week. Once you get to your goal weight, you get another 28 points (or so) per week. You’re right – with maintenance, it’s just like an “extra” day, every day. My extras are spread around with ice cream (which I eat out of a custard cup, NOT a cereal bowl, surrounded by cookies, as before), Mexican food (moderate portions), an occasional piece of cheesecake, a bagel with cream cheese, etc. No more binges, no more eating at the sink, no more eating out of the deli container. “Greta” has learned some table manners, I guess, as well as how to budget her food allowance.
A message from Pam Are You Addicted to Adrenalin? I am, and since there is not Adrenalinics Anonymous I had to work with my addiction alone and am now a "recreational" user. Being disorganized was the "perfect" (we hate the word, but it's still in the dictionary) lifestyle for my addiction to rage. Here's how it worked and although it's not scientific it is true in the laboratory of my life. Our bodies release adrenalin in situations where we need to respond quickly. We've needed it to be able to run from a flying tyrannosaurus or a springing tiger, but today we have this supply somewhere in our bodies just itching to be used to save us. In my case I started using in Jr. High School and for me procrastination was like a needle to an addict, a sure-fire way to get the drug released into my system. I'd leave a six-week project until the weekend before it was due and drain my source of the drug staying up all night, neglecting food, imagining failure, pushing, studying (oops I just remembered it's the Pterodactyl that could fly) and finally going to school Monday morning with the flair of a seasoned actress, presenting my completed project (even Steven Spielberg would have been impressed with) and getting an A. By the time I married I was a practiced and outstanding procrastinator and unconsciously addicted to adrenalin. In my chaotic, disorganized past I was known to put off Christmas preparations until December 24, hide from unexpected company, run for buses, ignore the mail box, intercept disconnect notices at the last minute and with the advent of credit cards I discovered a great way to get a quick fix, just by reading THE STATEMENT. When I got organized, I went through withdrawal! What happened to the rush of barely catching the flight? Where'd the drama go when dinner guests were to arrive in five minutes and I still hadn't taken a shower? Was my life of being organized, suddenly going to be dull and drug free? I went into nervous remission and had to think a lot about what my transformation from pigpen to paradise was doing to me. I realized I need drama in my life and now that I know Nelly (she is a drama queen) I know the drama of life makes me happy. I love to be dramatic! I love to go to the movies. I love to read about other people's drama. When I teach, I get to be "dramatic," and as far as adrenalin goes, I still get to use, but it's way more fun now and it's in moderation. If you have been disorganized for very long, chances are you are addicted to adrenalin too, but as you follow your routines and continue to add healthy habits to your lifestyle, you will need to replace the negative "drama" with positive scenarios. Only you know what your replacements will be, so give some thought to it and you will find what makes you and your brat happy and organized.
The Brat Factor has resonated with me in an astonishing way. I've thoroughly enjoyed all the daily surprises, so much so that I call my mom and tell her about them every morning, but two particular things have caused me profound "aha" moments. The first was when I used your telescope exercise to see what my inner brat had been up to. At first I saw things that I already expected to see: makeup on the counter, clothing strewn across the back of the toilet seat, etc. I was taken aback, however, when the telescope landed on all the CDs, DVDs, and Q-tips that I had knowingly let my baby son pull from the shelves and scatter across the room. My inner brat had wanted a little peace and quiet so much, that she had convinced me to let my son destroy my home so that he would be entertained for a while. Not only was my inner brat destroying me, she was in collusion with my son's future inner-brat (FIB) to prevent me from raising my son with the discipline he deserves! The second thing that struck me was your letter about adrenaline addiction. For YEARS I have wondered if, on some subconscious level, I allow my home to become a pigsty so that I can have the gratification that comes after a panic cleaning. I've never voiced this thought because I wondered if it made me insane, but your letter today made me realize that not only was I correct in my theory, but that I'm not a nutcase. I am in good company. Thank you for that. Yesterday my house got an excellent (not perfect) cleaning, and is company-ready. At this point, I would normally pat myself on the back and promptly allow things to slide back into the chaos they were before so that the cycle could begin again. That will not happen this time. And last night as I was reading, my 11-month old baby crawled over to the DVD shelf and began pulling things off. Instead of ignoring it and continuing to read in blessed silence while chaos emerged around me, I closed my book and said, "Buddy, that's not for touching. Put it back." And you know what was cool? He did. (Okay, he tried. He needed a little help.) Thank you for the brat factor. I thank you, and my inner-brat-as-yet-unnamed thanks you. She's not getting her way anymore, but at least she can breathe and have real conversations with me. We're both enjoying life more
Pam, Your description of adrenalin addiction is right on the mark for those of us with ADHD. It's the classic symptom of needing the stimulation of a looming deadline, or having intense interest in a task before being able to focus long enough to get it done. I think that's why your Brat Factor ideas are so fantastic for me. Finding ways to make home making/organization fun and interesting is *essential* for people like me with ADHD. Some of the books I've read on adult ADHD suggest making 'fake' deadlines for us in order to kick that adrenalin rush before the 'real' deadline. I've never been able to pretend that intensely until now. But with my new understanding of Jane and how to get her to cooperate, it's actually happening. I spent last week without my regular meds (no long story - let's just say there is now a card in the 3x5 box that says 'Renew Meds!' lol). So I had to depend on just adrenalin to keep up with my goals for organization. I still did the dishes before I went to bed (67 days and counting!), got to bed by 10 most nights (sometimes racing Jane and jumping into bed) and I actually started to de-clutter my family room yesterday! I was very impressed with how well Jane and I functioned together, all things considered. Needless to say, there were several tasks that went by the wayside - especially finances which had to be caught up on Saturday for an insane number of hours. But it got done. Jane was fit to be tied! (It's still not fun but must be done! *sigh*) I made it up to her by not doing anything on Sunday but the absolute essentials - and we knit her dolls a new shrug! Please don't think that I'm against medications. I am once again very aware of the reasons why I take my ADHD meds. I have some symptoms that all the imagination in the world won't get rid of. I'm very grateful that I'm one of the adult ADHD people who can be helped by medication (herbal or prescription) because many aren't. But even on meds, I haven't ever been able to continue with house/family organization until I met Jane through your Brat Factor program. You say in your CD about meeting your inner brat that you were transformed by meeting Nelly and are still going strong with her. Well, I'm becoming transformed by meeting and finding ways to work with Jane. I'm looking forward to finding even more ways to use her intense drive and imagination and, yes, flair for the dramatic, in positive ways. Thank you so much for sharing your story and Nelly with all of us. Greta and Jane
I just turned 40 last week, and a week before that, I was diagnosed with Adult Attention Defecit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD or ADD for those without the hyperactivity). In doing research about my condition, I have found that MANY ADD adults are adrenaline junkies. It's a way of self-medicating our condition (and is also more socially acceptable than self-medicating with recreational drugs). Many of us also self- medicate with caffeine which I did for years. Now that I'm on a prescription medication, I have found my daily coffee habit has drastically reduced. I'm still working on behavior modification as well.
May 17, 2006 Dear Pam, I have discovered my brat Prunella loves being outside. I discovered this when the weather dried up and it was partly sunny" (a NW term). I needed to get out and clean up the vegetable garden and raspberry patch and Prunella let out a big hoop of excitement! She LOVES to play in the dirt. She pretends she is a farmer. I am a born- and-raised city girl but have always longed for living in a small town or on a farm. Well we got it all cleaned out then moved on to getting rid of all the dandelions and letting the grass grow back. (It was an experiment to see if we had any grass left under all the dandelions.) What is so wonderful is we have been playing farmer almost everyday; moving the sprinkler around the yard and patiently waiting to plant our tomato plants, Prunella is happy and I am getting the yard back into shape. The yard got neglected that past three years because my gardening partner my mom (Prunella's grandma) had a stroke and died. It took all of my pleasure away but Prunella is happy again, now that I have healed and she can play in the dirt again and be OUTSIDE again. Marcia and Prunella in Seattle
May 10, 2006 I am a 71-year-old woman, married 52 years and have lived in the same house for the past 44 years. I named my brat Gladys (my mother's name) I could never please her, never did anything right and was always in her way. I realized that the biggest problem that I have put up with all my life is " that nothing is ever good enough." No matter how clean my house was, how nice I looked, how nice the meal was, etc. it was "never good enough." I am looking forward to at least the next 20 years because everything is "just fine." Thank you for the time you put in to helping people realize their hang -ups.
When I was younger, we lived in a cabin by a lake. My father built a house for the family and eventually the cabin was torn down. Sometimes my mother would give the key to the cabin to me and I was allowed to play inside the cabin. I remember playing I was a pioneer woman and that the cabin was my house. It was heated by a fireplace and only had a metal standing shower. I thought it was going to be fun when I was grown up and married to keep house. To take a phase from a commercial, "I love a clean house, but I hate housecleaning" was how it really was for me when I grew up and married. I pretend that I am going to be paid a lot of money for jobs I hate to do. Sometimes I pretend that someone famous is coming to visit and I want the particular chore at hand to be done to the best of my ability.
OK, so I’ve been following along for about a week now, not exactly disbelieving, but wondering just how all this applied to me, where my inner brat would rear her pretty little head. Many of the emails don’t apply to me; I don’t have a problem with junk food, I like to exercise, the clutter is gradually disappearing from my home. But yesterday, along with the Victoria’s Secret sale catalog, Lulu showed up. Lulu is very sneaky. She got online “just to see if they still had what she wanted in her colors and sizes.” Then she put “just a few” of what she had circled in the catalog in her online shopping bag. She had lots of reasons. Everything she picked out was at least 50 percent off. Those yoga pants are what we practically live in at home, Victoria Secret is the only place that has them in our size, and now they’re half the price we paid a few months ago, and besides we don’t want to wear out the ones we have. It would be easier to lay out our clothes the night before if we had a few more cute long-sleeved t-shirts. Think how much more we would pay for those sweaters if we waited till next fall to buy them!! Lulu doesn’t seem to understand that the gas bill is a month behind (those cute clothes won’t keep us warm if the heat gets turned off) and the electric bill is also due again. And just 'cause there’s money in checking doesn’t mean you can go spend it; Lulu doesn’t get that there are still checks waiting to clear. Thank goodness we closed the Victoria’s Secret credit card! Lulu wants what she wants and will think about paying for it later (actually, she will leave me to do that). I am also grateful to her dad (my dh) who gently but firmly stepped up and said “no honey, we can’t afford that.” I have told him in the past that I would find it a lot easier to be responsible with money if he could be firm with me and not let me talk him into things by whining, bargaining and threats. I realize now that this was just my inner brat, craving limits. I am not quite sure how to proceed with this newfound knowledge. I’m thinking something like if I sit down and pay some bills and still have 20 bucks leftover, I might reward her with one pair of yoga pants. But the most important part is that I’ve identified Lulu’s voice and will be better able to keep up with her tricks!
May 8, 2006 Dear Pam, I am writing to thank you for helping me recognize, enjoy, and celebrate my Inner Brat, Katianna, along with understanding that she needs LIMITS in order to be at her best!!! I LOVE this little girl -- she is my belly-dancing alter ego and the impetus for most of the fun I get to have -- but she is NOT happy when she is allowed to run things, and neither am I, whether it be my home, my food, or my finances. I look forward to your daily e-mails. You are making this so much fun!!! Thank you for giving me a fresh outlook! I have such joy thanks to you for putting a smile on my face with your lovely messages and website, along with FlyLady for bringing me to the point where I do feel I have a handle on things and actually have time to enjoy the Brat Within! I was a classic Franny until God wafted that lovely FlyLady into my life. I had a built-in excuse of caring, single handedly, for my 33-year-old son who is profoundly disabled. Thanks to getting a grip with FlyLady, I don't need any excuses, because I am no longer a martyr to my own SHEness (and that of my three lovely daughters, LOL!) I'm on track and we are doing great, thanks to getting rid of that "stinkin' thinkin'" and just doing it 15 minutes at a time. Thank you so much, Pam, for getting it all started. You and the FlyCrew have probably done more to improve mental health than the entire legion of psychiatrists prescribing pills of all colors. God Bless you for taking on something new in the form of the Brat Factor! Love, C. (Katianna at heart!)
May 7, 2006 This morning my brat, "ShirRae" raised her hungry little head and had chocolate chips and marshmallows for breakfast!!!! I have hypoglycemia and I get hungry easily, so if there isn't something easy to fix, my brat takes over and eats the first thing in sight. Here is how I am going to keep her in control 1-Plan all my meals and snacks in advance. Make sure that I have some low-carb, low-sugar and high protein foods that will keep my hunger at bay and my brat quiet. 2-Plan to eat every three hours. 3-Make eating fun by setting the table with place mats, or table cloth and make it a full dining experience. 4-Get rid of the bad food from my home and fill my home with healthy foods such as yogurt, smoothies, crackers and cheese, fruit and vegies and low-calorie dip, and sugar free ice cream etc. 5-Occassionally (not more than every two weeks) have something that my brat has been craving.
April 29, 2006 Thank you for the progress report form! I have been using it for a few days now, and it is really helping! I seem to be more willing to make responsible choices when I am writing everything down! I wanted to share a way that I have adapted it to fit my needs. I am an “all or nothing” personality, and so if my brat wins, then I feel like since I’ve already lost, I might as well quit trying for the rest of the day. In order to overcome this mind set, I use the “who won” space to keep a tally of who won for each decision I am faced with. That way if my brat wins because I ate a brownie for breakfast, I still have hope that I can keep on trying for the rest of the day! At the end of the day I decide who won based upon the number of tally marks. This has helped me realize how many, many times throughout the day I am faced with a choice of how to act. Before this, my daily actions just sort of happened, and I never realized that I was making decisions about which voice to follow. Thanks for such a wonderful tool! That is brilliant! When I went to Weight Watchers after my first baby was born the leader told me I had a "fat" mind. She was sort of right. At that time in Weight Watchers we had to "X" each hour (in our waking hours) to say we stayed "on program." I am an "all or nothing" personality too and I told the leader that when I strayed off program in one of the hours, I decided since I didn't get my "X" I may as well make it worth my time, so I REALLY strayed. I'd say now that I had a "brat" mind not a "fat" mind! Oh if I'd only known Nelly back then! Love, Pam
The Brat Factor has resonated with me in an astonishing way. I've thoroughly enjoyed all the daily surprises, so much so that I call my mom and tell her about them every morning, but two particular things have caused me profound "aha" moments. The first was when I used your telescope exercise to see what my inner brat had been up to. At first I saw things that I already expected to see: makeup on the counter, clothing strewn across the back of the toilet seat, etc. I was taken aback, however, when the telescope landed on all the CDs, DVDs, and Q-tips that I had knowingly let my baby son pull from the shelves and scatter across the room. My inner brat had wanted a little peace and quiet so much, that she had convinced me to let my son destroy my home so that he would be entertained for a while. Not only was my inner brat destroying me, she was in collusion with my son's future inner-brat (FIB) to prevent me from raising my son with the discipline he deserves! The second thing that struck me was your letter about adrenaline addiction. For YEARS I have wondered if, on some subconscious level, I allow my home to become a pigsty so that I can have the gratification that comes after a panic cleaning. I've never voiced this thought because I wondered if it made me insane, but your letter today made me realize that not only was I correct in my theory, but that I'm not a nutcase. I am in good company. Thank you for that. Yesterday my house got an excellent (not perfect) cleaning, and is company-ready. At this point, I would normally pat myself on the back and promptly allow things to slide back into the chaos they were before so that the cycle could begin again. That will not happen this time. And last night as I was reading, my 11-month old baby crawled over to the DVD shelf and began pulling things off. Instead of ignoring it and continuing to read in blessed silence while chaos emerged around me, I closed my book and said, "Buddy, that's not for touching. Put it back." And you know what was cool? He did. (Okay, he tried. He needed a little help.) Thank you for the brat factor. I thank you, and my inner-brat-as-yet-unnamed thanks you. She's not getting her way anymore, but at least she can breathe and have real conversations with me. We're both enjoying life more.
I had to write to tell you about my 'Aha' Moment! I just finished making breakfast with my three boys (it wasn't really that tasty or edible but what do you expect from a 5,7 & 9 year olds?!) I ate it- (That was the Mom in me.) With breakfast done I was wondering what to take for lunch to work and caught myself thinking (actually caught LouLou) that I would just buy a box of my favorite macaroons because I'd probably blow my diet tonight at the BBQ we're going to anyway. So LouLou (my inner brat) thought why not eat crazy all day! I almost fell for it, but I thought AHHHH, I get it! It doesn't have to ruin my whole day. Anyway LouLou got a lecture and she can come out tonight and have one item as a treat! Thanks for making me aware of LouLou. Wow, aren't you glad you caught her? Look at that crazy thinking for an adult, but perfectly reasonable for a child! Good for you! And now tonight you will be more reasonable because what really happened was LouLou got greedy. She had you all ready to blow your diet at the BBQ and if she just hadn't tried to sneak the macaroons in for lunch you probably would have blown it tonight, but not now. Ha Ha. You can win!!!
April 27, 2006 Hi, This is an amazing concept! I can totally see when I am allowing my inner brat to run my life. Realizing this was such a shock! Now that I know that Drisella is there, I have been trying to work with her to establish some guidelines and routines. It truly is helping! One thing I discovered is that Drisella really likes to order all kinds of books and CDs and running clothes off the internet. In order to help her become more prudent in this area, I gave her an allowance – just like my “real” children have. Now she has to earn the money to order the things she is interested in. For each dreaded house chore she does, she earns a bit of spending money. Let me tell you, she did NOT like this restriction. She has always enjoyed being the “favorite” child, and has considered herself above limits and regulations. A few times she has been really disappointed when she realized that by the time she had earned enough money, the item she wanted was no longer available. I try to kindly tell her that next time she needs to stay focused on her goal better. I must admit that I do not always win the battle. A few days ago, she actually snuck and ordered something -- even though she had not quite earned it! The sale deadline was up and she just couldn’t get over the thought of losing out. She is a rather headstrong girl! I have told my real children about their newly discovered “sibling,” and they are helping me to teach her appropriate attitudes and behaviors. One day, my son pointed out that I needed to lick soap, because I had allowed Drisella to say a word that I have asked them not to use! What a humbling experience! Thank you for your wonderful insights, and for helping me figure out ways to work through my challenges! D and Drisella in Alaska
Hi Nelly! (waving) I just wanted to share with you something I did today for Dad. See Dad's pal, Todd, was out to play last night after work and Dad didn't get the grass mowed because of it. Dad works six days a week 11 hours a day...so he has very little time for mowing. Last night was his mowing night but Todd convinced him to play instead. Dad was going to have to mow tomorrow on our day of rest because of Todd. Well I just couldn't stand the thought of Dad having to mow on his only day of rest. (Especially just because Todd was a bit of a brat last night. Boys!!) So I told Mom I thought it would be nice to mow the yard for Dad today. Yeah I had to give up my library day (which the other kids and I love) but the smile on Dad's face tonight is going to be better than any book I could have grabbed today! :) Mom said she was really proud of me for being a "big girl" and thinking of this. See what Mom didn't realize was getting out in the sun and smelling that fresh grass was FUN for me! No one's ever thought I could handle the mowing because I'm a big girl in more ways than one. I think I might have actually taught Mom a couple lessons in all this. 1) We're not as weak as she thinks we are just because we're big girls 2) We can get a great workout while mowing which will help us work on that big girl part 3) We get to enjoy the sunshine and some thinking time 4) And most important we can help Dad out in a way that will give Mom more time with Dad and me more time to play with Todd!! I love Todd he is my BESTEST friend! Here's the best part Nelly...my mom actually apologized to me for not listening to me more...she said this idea made her feel so good that she just knew I had more ideas for her! Oh and I do...I have lots of ideas!! Mom just said the only rule had to be that we have to do our work first and then ideas second. Oh and she has veto power over all ideas. I think that's only fair...some of my ideas can be quite silly...I like to see how far I can push the envelope sometimes...LOL...just to see if Mom's actually listening...but isn't that what kids do best?! LOL So see Nelly we have a thing or two to teach these parents of ours! *big smile* If they'd only listen to us more often. We're not ALL bad. Well I just wanted to tell you about my day because it's been the BESTEST day Mom and I have had in a LONG time!! Hugs and Kisses! Your friend, Margo (and her bestest friend, Todd) Hi Margo, Would you please go ask your mom if I can share this email? It shows we have so much to learn about ourselves and more important, we can. Love, Pam Dear Pam, Oh my goodness...yes I would be honored! (Margo's jumping up and down (LOL). I have to agree it is amazing what we can learn from ourselves. If we'll just take the time to listen. Why do we assume we're not worth the time? But everyone else is? It really saddens my heart to think of all the time I've lost ignoring Margo. But no more! Margo and I are both important! Saturday was a huge turning point for me. HUGE. I knew Margo was there but I was still ignoring her ideas because I was assuming they were ALL bad. WRONG. Since listening to her just two days ago I've learned so much about her. Best part is Margo and I are learning to become best friends. Which my dear FlyLady would say is Finally Loving Yourself. *smile* You've both impacted my life so deeply...thank you so very, very much. I'm sorry I got a bit winded there. LOL I've just turned such a BIG corner... I'm enjoying life and telling everyone about it! LOL I just want everyone to feel this peace that's come over me...there's nothing like it. So YES, YES, YES if you think my email will help others by all means please use it. *smile* You just made my entire day! Love, M & M
April 26, 2006 Oh, Nelly! I'm so sorry to hear that you don't get *any* goodies until May 5th. That's like -- a billion years! AND she's going to tell the WHOLE WORLD how well you do! What kind of mom is that??!!?? When my mom decided *we* were going to "eat healthy" (blech), she said that when I wanted something like candy or donuts (which is, like, *all the time*! lol), we'd figure out what the cravings were and eat something healthy that filled the need. *rolls eyes* I mostly crave chocolate candy - which my mom says is just a sweetness and fatness craving. Sooooooooooo when I want candy, she makes these smoothies that taste JUST LIKE MILKSHAKES! I'll give you the recipe and you can see if your mom can fit some of these into *your* healthy eating ('cause there are a lot of healthy stuff in 'em) 1 cup of frozen strawberries (unsweetened but they're not bad) 1/2 - 1 whole banana 1 5-count squirt of flax seed oil(here's the fat my mom says is healthy for my body) 2 cups milk (skim/1%/2%/half&half depending on if your mom is looking lol) OR Water (that's how mom makes it for her husband who is milk-allergic) 2 scoops protein powder (again she uses whey for us and soy for the 'dh') She puts this into our Vita-Mix (super-de-duper airplane-motor-powered blender) and turns it into the most smooth, luscious, yummy, (here's the key word) *healthy* smoothie. One glass of this goes a long way in keeping my taste buds happy. Sometimes she even adds a dash of cocoa powder to give a chocolaty taste (but usually not. *pout*) This makes a *ton* which you could either share with Dennis if he's craving, or just cut the amounts down 'cause if you save it in the fridge, it separates and gets nasty! Blechy-pooh! Well, I just wanted you to know that I am rooting for *you* to win. You let me know if you need anything. You can do it! You show your mom that you can eat healthy *and* tasty until May 5th! Love, Jane P.S. Hey! I just realized that May 5th is Cinco de Mayo! Maybe your treat that day can be Mexican food! Ummmmm! That sounds good! I'd be good if that was *my* treat! Hi Jane, Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I can't wait to get to a Mexican restaurant on Cinco de Mayo!!! I guess I am sort of numb when it comes to candy, it's been so long since I've had any, well Easter which was years ago. We're not doing beads right now because of those stupid progress reports! And now that the whole world is going to know if I mess up, I'm doomed! But the Mexican food is the light at the end of my tunnel. I'm going to make the drink and thank you for the recipe! I'm going back to my room now. Bye, Nelly
I'm sitting at my desk at work, I'm sure my office mates are wondering why I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. This is so me, I'm signing up! I love FlyLady and found you through her. This is what I need to succeed. "If it isn't FUN, it won't get done," is so true in my life. Thanks for the smile on my face, the hope in my heart and the plan on the drawing board. Hey, that doesn't rhyme... Great email name by the way, back at ya! Smiles from Idaho
Dear Pam, I have just read your website and I think it is great fun! And helpful beyond measure! There is one comment and question that I have: I notice that there is an American flag flying on top of the "Brat Reform School." I live in Canada and I wonder if there is an International "Brat Reform School," with an International flag flying? Sincerely, New Nelly in Canada Hi New Nelly, I could order an International flag, but that could take a long time and it isn't in the budget at this time. For now, just pretend you are attending an American school and studying under a foreign flag. My best, Pam Dear Pam Thanks for your reply. I have always wanted to study in another country! Sincerely, Nelly in Canada
I love the idea of software to help us plan stuff. My brat, Tomo, and I enjoy daydreaming so much that we have alarms on our calendars to tell us when to leave for appointments on the laptop and Palm. Also, we have a daily about dinner. Sadly, Tomo doesn't think it's fun to get up and think about dinner, so we usually panic when DH (deal husband) comes home. Thank you for this site! I can sense Tomo's bratty days are numbered! I look forward to working with her instead of fighting her! Much love and admiration, Elizabeth and Tomo P.S. Tomo is my cat's name- it means "friend" in Japanese. I look forward to becoming my own friend!
Hi, I absolutely LOVE your inner brat site! It is brilliant! My inner brat is 11 and fortunately has spent a lot of time playing so isn't too bratty. She wasn't neglected too much. In fact, I'd say she was SPOILED! She does her chores IF and WHEN she feels like it sometimes! But sometimes I'm strict with her and things are less chaotic here. I absolutely love this concept and it will really help with my "self"-discipline. My worst thing is cooperating with bed times and I oversleep and things get rushed. I cant wait until all your promised "coming soon" features will be up and running like brat boot camp, etc. This is so great! Thanks so much for your site! Elizabeth (and Libby, the inner brat) PS: Oh, I have a great idea! Why don't you create a journal feature where our inner brats can keep diaries and we can all read each others' brat's diaries? I think that would be cool. Dear Elizabeth, You are sooo cute! I love your brat diary idea as long as it won't conflict with, uh, you know our chores. Thank you for sharing. Our best, Pam and Nelly [This was Elizabeth Trigg's first email to me on February 2, when my website was opened to the pubic. Since then she has submitted 22 diary entries from Libby. She is currently writing a book called "Libby's Diary" so you won't see anymore entries until the book comes out. If you go to Diary of a Brat on this website, you can read Libby's last and final entry for this website unless I can talk her into a few more. Because Nelly loves Libby so much Elizabeth and I are co-writing a book you and your brat are going to love.
Pam, You may have just helped me to see why it has been so darned hard for me to reform my cluttery ways!!! Can’t wait to get started - so bring it on!!! Thank you. Best regards, Mimi (and NinnyPoo!)
Hello, I just found out about your site through Flylady. I haven't fully read everything yet. But I just thought I'd share with you that if I'm not mistaken, it's interesting that your "brat" is similar to what an author I know who wrote Rational Recovery, which is about stopping drinking, has what he calls a "beast." That is a part of your brain that seeks pleasure, and tells you to drink. Or eat. Or whatever is pleasurable. The other part of your brain is the reasoning brain, which thinks and makes decisions and knows right from wrong. So now that I know you, I am now rustling with "Franny," "Beast" and now, "Brat." Ugh. Baby steps, baby steps. Mary Dear Mary, I haven't heard about Rational Recovery, but I'm thinking that Franny is the beast and the brat are same part of you. I hope my approach can help you not to "rustle" with Franny, but be lighter hearted with her. I just answered an email from a woman who said she doesn't like the derogatory word "brat." I wonder what she'd think of beast? That is a brutal word, but sometimes we need a stronger word! I have a meeting every morning with Nelly (I do it on the computer) in dialog form and I tell her the plan for the day and she brings up her concerns and we set up rules for the day. For instance, I have to give a speech tonight at a hospital (it's Wear Red for Women's Heart Health Day or something like that) and Nelly has nagged me for days to buy a new red dress. This morning, I woke up with her sitting on my chest. "Are we going to go shopping today for the dress?" I took that thought, went to my computer for our meeting and talked myself (Nelly) out of buying a dress for the speech, because I DON'T LOOK GOOD IN RED! Instead I am going to wear red slacks with a black jacket and pin a silk red rose on the lapel. Before I knew Nelly, I would have gone to the mall and bought a dress I would never wear again. Enough. Go play with Fanny! The child in you can have pleasure that doesn't hurt you. Franny has a wellspring of pleasurable things to do that are just fun. Tap it. Our best, Pam & Nelly
April 25, 2006 I just want to say first of all thank-you for all that you do. Being subscribed to ya'll has been such a blessing to me. When I heard about you through Flylady, I just had to see what all this inner brat stuff was all about. Anyway I knew all along who my inner brat was. It was my nickname Shelly. When I was a teen-ager I used to tell my mom that there were two sides to me. Now don't get me wrong I don't have a split personality. You see when I went to school they called me Michele [which is my name] I was Miss Perfect. I was very quiet and cooperated with everyone. The bad thing was, I didn't have fun or have any friends. Some said I was just very shy. Anyway at home my family called me Shelly and boy did I change. I talked constantly, had loads of fun, my room was a mess, and sometimes I got into trouble for my mouth because everyone had to know my opinion. LOL. My point is there has to be a middle ground. I'm soon to be married for ten wonderful years. Sometimes my husband will ask me at night, "Who are you tonight Michele or Shelly?" Hint! Hint! He really likes Shelly. LOL Well, if the house is to be clean and the bills to be paid on time let's just say Michele better come out of hiding and Shelly better sit down and behave herself!
I just saw your DVD and listened to the CD.I met my inner brat today and named her the Princess. I love this concept of communicating with Princess very much. I installed her an e-mail account and now I e-mail her my comments about what she is doing and she e-mails me back. I like this a lot because my right brain activities get stimulated. Thank you again for a lovely and playful mode to help us SHEs to get through routines. A happy brat mother from Luxembourg
Hello there, my inner child is Claire (my middle name, and what my little sis calls me when she's mad or serious). I believe my inner child is 10, as that is when my older sister died, and I had to grow up. I had gone thru some counseling, when I was 40, and discovered my inner child, but I didn't realize how much she really played a role in my life, until I came across the Brat factor. Now I can sa |
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August 18, 2006 Dear Pam, I have been receiving your daily e-mails since the first one. I had visited your website before the e-mails started and thought it was really ingenious. The idea of setting a goal but letting your brat choose the reasons is simply brilliant. Why shouldn't we shoot for the moon? I've laughed and learned reading your daily messages. I've had a problem though. I couldn't find my brat. This really bothered me because I used to laugh and have fun. What happened to the part of me that wanted to have fun? I have always been a serious person. I remember as a kid thinking that I had to do everything just right. It finally hit me one night why I haven't been able to find my brat. She has taken over completely! You see, my brat is not a fun loving child. I had to learn how to have fun and laugh and be fun in spite of this brat. Over the past year and half dealing with cancer in the family, horrible school issues, a hubby's insecure job, etc, my brat has completely taken over and turned me into a serious, boring, non-smiling, no fun to be around person. When hubby says, "want to go with me and boys fishing?" My brat says, "No, I can't leave a nasty house." And then only cleans minimally while they are gone because she deserves the quiet time after dealing with so many things. It is time for this to stop! It's time for my brat to sit down and shut up and let us have some fun. Now that I have discovered her, I think I will call her June Cleaver after the mother in Leave it to Beaver. I can't think of better example of a woman who did everything perfectly, worried about more or smiled less. I wonder if you have met other brats like June? Might you have any advice for getting June under control? This, sort-of reverse brat, too serious instead of wanting to play too much seems a little weird and backwards. That's me though! LOL June was discovered the day that you left on your trip so she and I have had a couple weeks together now. I've let her enclose a letter to you also. It might not be like many other letters from brats that you receive. Hee Hee! Thank you for helping see just how much of a problem this serious brat has become. I'm looking forward to learning so much more! Angie Dear Ms. Pam, First of all, I am appalled that I do not know how to address you properly. Only family and close personal friends should address you by your first name, dear. My daughter, Angie, refused to let me look up your last name, so please excuse the personal greeting. I would sincerely appreciate it if you would refrain from any further contact with Angie. You see, I had finally gotten control of her and then she started getting e-mail from you every day. I had convinced her that an almost 40 mother of two was supposed to look a little soft around the middle. Now, with your encouragement, she joined Weight Watchers and is talking about getting back to pre-baby weight so she can run around looking like some teenybopper. Am I supposed to sit back and let that happen? I will admit that I was pleased when she lost 5 pounds the first week. Any proper woman appreciates looking her best. And yesterday, she took the boys to the swimming pool after letting them pick up 27 things instead of their entire bedrooms. She has even been wearing a bathing suit! Can you imagine? I was in such shock and disbelief the first time. This past weekend they went to a water park and at the admission window they asked if we were going to ride the water slides. Before I could get a word out Angie had answered, "yes." When she heard me gasp she added that we had to be able to go on the slides with the youngest child. These sorts of things should be left for his father and brother not his mother. She just wouldn't let me get a word in. I finally found an opportunity though. We had walked up 5 flights of stairs carrying a big tube to ride with the youngest and when we got to the top he wouldn't ride. We had to walk back down. I threw a fit! I thought I had finally found a way to keep Angie in a chair. I said not to ask me to walk up and down those stairs anymore and headed back to the chair. I was telling Angie that was absolutely it! I'd had enough of this water park place and was finished with it. If the kids were going to act like that then I was staying in a lounge chair like a good mother. Do you know she told me? "Sit down and shut up"! What? She can't talk to me like that. I did sit down and stop ranting. What choice did I have? Not long after, the child said he was ready now and she jumped right up and went up all those stairs again warning me to keep quiet along the way. I wouldn't have spoken to her then if she had begged me to. Don't tell her but it was exciting and fun to ride on those tubes with the boys. We made some great memories. I 'm sure that you can see the predicament that you have gotten me in by sending Angie those e-mails. I need to get control again and I can't do that if you continue to contact her. If I can't convince you to stop writing to her then I guess I will have to find a way to go along with this new system. If I work hard then I'm sure I can find the silver lining. Sincerely, Mrs. June Cleaver Dear Mrs. Clever, Please forgive me for not writing back to you promptly. Quite frankly I was really at a loss to know what to do with you. I think I know now and will now write to your mother. I encourage you to listen although I know you might think that is rather disrespectful to eavesdrop on a conversation. Since it's all about you I give you permission. Sincerely, Pam Young Hi Angie, Before I get into what to do with June, I have to say you are a very good writer! I was at the water park with you and your kids! Now, here's what I think happened. I think your fun-loving little June baby got hit with too many sad and scary things and, I don't know if you know this about our brats, but they have a costume boxes! Big costume boxes!!! You know how kids love to dress up in crazy costumes and also adult clothes? Well June got into the big, serious lady clothes complete with little librarian glasses and a tight tailored black suit with sensible shoes and a hat with a black veil. She looked in the mirror and decided it would be fun to play this for a while and then she got caught up in it. You, Angie are too much of a lighthearted person to let June Cleaver stay in that costume! Your email tells me you want to change this and I know you will, if you aren't already making great changes to put joy and fun back into your life. You are just a kid yourself. Believe me 40 is very young! I can tell you from my Tower of Age you have some great time to enjoy your life! So get that June Cleaver costume off of June Bug and get her to put on a bunny costume. Keep me posted. I'd love to read more!! Love, Pam |